Over the past few days I have been looking back on my life and the question that comes up over and over again is “what happened…what am I doing…this is not where I want to be in life right now…what can I do…how do I do it…what’s going on here!?”
As you may remember, I was called into writing as well…I could hear God tell me over and over again one evening, “you are a writer…you are a writer.” But, this week, I continued to get hit with the truth about where I am in life. I thought about where my mindset, hopes, dreams and goals were as a kid and then I began to look at now.
Needless to say, everything that has been happening and that is happening in my life was not planned.
I was hit with more stuff this week….nothing short of feeling like a total loser.
I think about the internships, the opportunities, the jobs I had in the broadcast arena and throughout the week I grew more angry at myself and my circumstances…frustrated to say the least…I felt so ashamed. And I’ll be honest, it is very hard for me to blog about this and to be honest I almost didn’t!
As I told one of my friends from college over the phone today, “I guess I’m focusing on waiting and hoping on a big victory that I’m missing some of the little victories in my life.”
Lost Dreams and Changed Paths Is NOT A Referendum On You
Dreams deferred or even broken does not define who you are. Unfinished work doesn’t define who you are either. My friend reminded me of this. He told me that just because you’re not AS successful or AS well known as some of your favorite author’s, cartoonists, writer, ministers or others that doesn’t mean you’re a loser, failure or anything of that nature.
And, oh by the way, there’s some really cool stuff I have the opportunity to complete if I just stay focused and hang in there!
Comfortable With Being You, Even If Its Regular You
One of my friends told me that I constantly pre-calculate and re-calculate things in my life. It’s something that I did from age 13 and up with my life.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a TV weatherman for a local or national news outlet. But my math was so weak, I just couldn’t cut the schooling or the classes for it. I got my degree in Broadcast Journalism but got bored with hard news.
I was the guy who would do great things…then fast forward years later…I’m doing something completely different with my life. I was going to be the popular youth speaker guy and my background would grow.
For the longest time, it seemed as though my life took a detour into some grass and later landed into a giant hole just off the freeway called life.
My friend said that I calculate and calculate my life till it is a certain way, but, am grossly disappointed because the way I calculate it is NOT God’s calculation and I get frustrated and angry.
But of course I do. I get frustrated when I hear people say things like “if you work hard you’ll be able to get what you want,” or “if you do good in school you’ll go places.”
The truth is, that’s not always the case. Just because you work hard for something doesn’t mean it will actually happen. We set people up with an incredible lie mixed with the half truth.
My friend also reminded me that Jesus still loves me…that God still loves me…that I have family and friends that care about me and love me…that my life could be much worse.
I needed the reminder!