In the year 2016 I have seen God allow for doors to open and doors to close. I have experienced deep joy in some parts of my life and periods of deep sadness and disappointment.
Even major bouts of depression, wondering if I should give up on everything…hopes…dreams…goals…everything.
I went back and forth on whether I should’ve done this or that, or, maybe if I had only made this decision or taken this opportunity or gone this or that direction.
Those moments, I was angry…frustrated…lost…confused…hurt…even a little scared. I wanted things to happen in my life that were the complete reverse of what I was seeing. I was told to trust God and keep the faith but was hurting so much inside that I was numb to it.
Even as I write this its…to be honest…really uncomfortable…like “naked in public” type of uncomfortable. But, kind of refreshing at the same time.
Living for Jesus is hard. And yet, I’ll have it no other way.
Jesus freed me from a life where I walked in bitterness and anger towards my own race…towards my own people.
Jesus freed me from a life where I could’ve chosen to live any kind of way…to a life that said that He was all I need.
Jesus is tearing down the walls of my own agenda, making me rethink my life as a whole and totally rewiring my mindset. I
In this, I think of the scripture in Romans about being transformed by the renewing of my mind!
That is happening in a big way and I thank the Lord for every moment that transformation to be in His image is taking place.