Archives For life

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At the writing of this particular article, I’ve only been married to Rachel for about two months.

So far, I love it!

Of course, when I say that, I’m often accused of having “honeymoon feels.” But I can understand that sentiment too. I still stand by what I said, though. I love Rachel and I love having the newly upgraded life of husband to a beautiful and supportive wife.

Even though it has only been a couple of months, I have been able to see at least ONE thing that has made the reality of marriage so unbelievably amazing:


The Ability & Support To Do More!

All within the time that Rachel and I have been married, we have already accomplished some really cool personal goals.

We have seen some things that we both individually and collectively would like to work on. And we are planning some really amazing adventures for the future!

Can you say “Road Trip!?”

None of that could truly be possible without Rachel in the mix!

My lifestyle has totally changed since I got married.

I’m taking more vitamins and considering my overall health more because my wife and her family is focused on the health and well-being of themselves and others.

I’m actually eating food that’s cooked at home rather than living off of bag after bag of quickly processed food…with a side of fries.

Nothing felt more manly than spending a whole Saturday with football playing in the background while I put together a bookshelf piece by piece. “Some assembly required” felt more like “ALL assembly required.”

Singleness did have its benefits. I was able to actually grow and learn and spend time by myself with the Lord. I was able to walk through some deep issues of brokenness and face fears and failures that would’ve otherwise made commitment to married more challenging.

Now that marriage is the new reality, I am both humbled and grateful and watchful. So far, it has been a fascinating and wild ride.

It has only been 2 months. And so far, I feel like multiplying that 2 by multiples of forever.

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God and I in 2016

December 8, 2016

By and By - Growth in God

In the year 2016 I have seen God allow for doors to open and doors to close. I have experienced deep joy in some parts of my life and periods of deep sadness and disappointment.

Even major bouts of depression, wondering if I should give up on everything…hopes…dreams…goals…everything.

I went back and forth on whether I should’ve done this or that, or, maybe if I had only made this decision or taken this opportunity or gone this or that direction.

Those moments, I was angry…frustrated…lost…confused…hurt…even a little scared. I wanted things to happen in my life that were the complete reverse of what I was seeing. I was told to trust God and keep the faith but was hurting so much inside that I was numb to it.

Even as I write this its…to be honest…really uncomfortable…like “naked in public” type of uncomfortable. But, kind of refreshing at the same time.

Living for Jesus is hard. And yet, I’ll have it no other way.

Jesus freed me from a life where I walked in bitterness and anger towards my own race…towards my own people.

Jesus freed me from a life where I could’ve chosen to live any kind of way…to a life that said that He was all I need.

Jesus is tearing down the walls of my own agenda, making me rethink my life as a whole and totally rewiring my mindset. I

In this, I think of the scripture in Romans about being transformed by the renewing of my mind!

That is happening in a big way and I thank the Lord for every moment that transformation to be in His image is taking place.

 Those Days!

Today was one of those days! The deep desire to write today rose up and I just couldn’t help myself. I had to say something that would be meaningful! but what!?

Over the past few weeks, I have had intense highs and am dealing with some valley struggles. And yet, I know everything is going to be fine and okay.

It is like God has been whispering into my ear, telling me, “keep going” and “I’m with you” and “I put this in you…go forward.”

And yet, my circumstances sometimes seem to be just as loud as the conversation.

But, perhaps that’s the point. It is the decision to trust God…the decision to step forward…the decision at that break neck moment when the urge to write kicks in but the feeling of utter false failure and humiliation kicks in to try and keep you from being all that you are supposed to be.

Then again, it is the moment that you have the urge to do something that you really, truly enjoy and feel called too, and you make that decision right away to just do it. Why!? Because letting that moment pass my literally mean missing the opportunity to help and bless someone else!

I have people in my life who really trust me, love me and believe in me that helps make it worth while. The people that I am referring to have been my supporters and biggest fans from the beginning. It is all the more a good reason for me to not quite writing and blogging.

Now What!?

Lately, I have really been considering what I need to do to this blog site. The obvious answer is to keep writing. The other obvious answer is to keep writing about the things that I’m passionate about…and…share with all of you.

I think more than half of the reason I actually stopped writing for a period is because I actually forgot to share what was important:  My life and how much it has changed because of Faith…people….challenges….from childhood to adulthood.

With that, I am back and ready to put in the extra effort, and, even throw in a couple of sketches here and there.

made

 

It was early in the morning. About 1am to be exact.

I was still awake, feeling a bit out of sorts. I was begging and pleading to God about how I struggled with seeing any value in me and in what He thought of me.

It was a journey that began days prior with God making me acknowledge that I needed to spend more time in my Bible.

I was led to Psalm 139 and upon reading the entire Psalm I specifically focused on verse 14:

“I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are your works…”

After reading the text, I was struck with a feeling of disappointment.

“Really!?” I thought. “God, surely there’s more to it then that!”

I spoke again to God, asking Him to show me where I’m wrong. I knew I was wrong…but I was willing to let the Lord point out what was up with me and my heart.

In frustration, I headed to my bedroom to finally try and go to bed. The minute that my head hit the pillow, I heard the following message:

“Stop trying to get your value from people and things.”

It started making sense. Tears welled up in my eyes and I got up immediately. I asked the Lord to forgive me…how foolish was I to totally miss what God was REALLY doing.

Verse 14…David’s praise to the Lord…His worship of the Father. He Loved the Lord and throughout Psalm 139 before you we even get to verse 14 he acknowledges that the God knows every single thing about Him and had his entire life lined up before he was even existent.

David knew God. He loved God. He worshipped Him. Your value and mine comes from my relationship with God…as Father…as the one who sent His son Jesus…and Provider…as Protecter…as Creator… and so, so much more!

I couldn’t appreciate what God was saying because it was a matter of “Praise,” or more specifically, “thankfulness.” I had to learn to be thankful for God making me as He did.

Then note what else David said…”I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” “Fearfully” would be defined simply as “respect” or “with respect too” and “Wonderfully” is “unique” or “complex.” It could also mean “set apart.

God created you for a purpose…to Glorify Him and to do it through daily acknowledgement of Him and His son Jesus whom he sent to take our place on the cross. God has also given you purpose and life and abilities and opportunities to be all that you were created to be. You may not be able to do “everything” and “anything,” but you have the God-given capacity to do certain things.

For me, this became a pretty big deal!

My view began to shift as I considered all of the ways the Lord made me…how He set me apart…created me…the kind of gifts and abilities he gave me.

In fact, that night began a whole new shift in the way I saw myself and what I had to learn regarding what God thought of me.

There was more than enough reason to respond and react like David…with praise and thanksgiving to God.